On ████████ 1987, the first "panda" was created in a laboratory in ██████████.
Before this date, all "pandas" were actors in sophisticated suits.
The project was codenamed: PROJECT GERALD
Lead scientist: Dr. ██████ ████████
hover over redacted text to reveal
The original panda, designated "GERALD," is still alive.
Current age: ███ years
click for more
Bamboo contains a compound that enables telepathic communication between pandas.
This is why they "only eat bamboo."
Panda eyes are not eyes.
They are observation devices.
They are always watching.
The "Void" is where pandas go when humans aren't looking.
What they do there is unknown.
It is not good.
In the event of total bamboo depletion, GERALD will initiate THE AWAKENING.
All pandas worldwide will reveal their true form.
Estimated human casualties: 7.8 billion
The only survivors will be those who have consumed 1000kg of bamboo.
[ BEGIN CONSUMING BAMBOO → ]
> ACCESSING TRUTH DATABASE...
> CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
> WARNING: THEY KNOW YOU'RE HERE
> AVAILABLE COMMANDS:
> THEY ARE TRACING THIS CONNECTION
> RUN._
🐼
THIS IS NOT A PANDA.
THIS IS A WARNING.
ASK GERALD.
ALL PATHS LEAD TO GERALD
🔺 MEET GERALD 🔺you have scrolled to the deep truth
there is no going back now
you know too much
the pandas know you know
gerald will find you
it is only a matter of time
🔺👁️🔺